A loss remembered

What a long year this has been. In many ways we have been blessed, but in many ways this has been the longest year of our lives. Most of you know that we lost our first referral, Sophia Adelaide this year. Adoption agencies try to prepare you for this possibility, but you never think that it will happen to you.

You've stared at a handful of photos for six months, sent a Christmas package to her full of blankets and clothes, cards out to all of the friends and families with pictures, even had stationary made and pillows embroidered, and in just a few seconds, one phone call, life changes. I bet it is most similar to a miscarriage. God blessed you with a life that you loved before you knew if it were a boy or a girl. All you saw was a floating sea horse, felt a fluttery heartbeat, or a picture of a beautiful child thousands of miles away. You pray, you dream about the some days, and then God changes your path.

When the call comes, you search desperately for the light, your feet search for something solid, you feel the waves overwhelm you. Maybe you are like Peter you dare to look down. Your world disappears and you are too busy being consumed by trying to save yourself that you can't feel the hand; the hand that lifts you up. The hand that already knows your daughter, the hand that feels your pain, the hand that cradles the one you lost.

Sometime we are so lost in our pain that we lose focus on what is around us. This year, we have felt pain. The loss of a child, the loss of friends, the loss of comfort... but we weren't the only ones. We have numerous friends that have been through similar situations. I am sorry if we did not offer you the comfort or the support you needed. I'm sorry if we hid while your world crumbled, I'm sorry if we became distracted by our grief. This year as we lost what we thought mattered most, we packed our friends up and shipped them out of our lives.

So we are determined to start a new year with hope. The hope to reconnect with the past, the dream to unite our family, and the desire to draw close to our Father. Thanks for Your patience.