A loss remembered

What a long year this has been. In many ways we have been blessed, but in many ways this has been the longest year of our lives. Most of you know that we lost our first referral, Sophia Adelaide this year. Adoption agencies try to prepare you for this possibility, but you never think that it will happen to you.

You've stared at a handful of photos for six months, sent a Christmas package to her full of blankets and clothes, cards out to all of the friends and families with pictures, even had stationary made and pillows embroidered, and in just a few seconds, one phone call, life changes. I bet it is most similar to a miscarriage. God blessed you with a life that you loved before you knew if it were a boy or a girl. All you saw was a floating sea horse, felt a fluttery heartbeat, or a picture of a beautiful child thousands of miles away. You pray, you dream about the some days, and then God changes your path.

When the call comes, you search desperately for the light, your feet search for something solid, you feel the waves overwhelm you. Maybe you are like Peter you dare to look down. Your world disappears and you are too busy being consumed by trying to save yourself that you can't feel the hand; the hand that lifts you up. The hand that already knows your daughter, the hand that feels your pain, the hand that cradles the one you lost.

Sometime we are so lost in our pain that we lose focus on what is around us. This year, we have felt pain. The loss of a child, the loss of friends, the loss of comfort... but we weren't the only ones. We have numerous friends that have been through similar situations. I am sorry if we did not offer you the comfort or the support you needed. I'm sorry if we hid while your world crumbled, I'm sorry if we became distracted by our grief. This year as we lost what we thought mattered most, we packed our friends up and shipped them out of our lives.

So we are determined to start a new year with hope. The hope to reconnect with the past, the dream to unite our family, and the desire to draw close to our Father. Thanks for Your patience.

Old and New Friends

A friend reminded me last week that this would be the last Christmas without Dillen. We can't tell you how thankful we are for this past week and the recent good news. It really saved the holiday season! Although nothing has changed the situation in Vietnam, we are SO thankful to have a Christmas celebration that will actually feel like a celebration. So on this years list of things to be thankful for...

• Many new friends arrived at their forever home! Most recently, little Reese Holder arriving in Anderson with his forever family today! Of course the precious Anya home to Simpsonville from Vietnam this past October and Zane home to Spartanburg from Vietnam in November.


• Reconnection with our friends from the past! You weren't forgotten, just stored for such a time as this! We have had many friends from our past that have been such an integrated part of our adoption, praying for us, encouraging us and loving on us during this season of our lives! We are so blessed and thankful. We are even going to have a houseful from Michigan just after Christmas!


• We are thankful for our health. Although we have finally reached the dreaded 30's, we are blessed to be healthy. Chris has spent the last few months taking some aggression out playing indoor soccer with our friends from El Tejano, and it's back to running for me. We are finally going to stop putting off that 1/2 marathon that I always said we would do.


• We are so thankful this year for our family. We just had a wonderful Christmas celebration with Dad Myers. It was so good to have him and the bulldog up for a visit during the season. We are also blessed to be so close to the McLaughlin clan. For those of you that don't know, my entire family has relocated to the Greenville area and I work with my mom and one brother. I realize how lucky I am to have such a close family. We have two beautiful nephews and the best sister-in-law anyone could ask for.


• We are thankful that we both have jobs and a nice home to live in.


• We are thankful for a church that we love, and a church that knows how to love us back.


• And mostly, we are thankful for our little girl, that waits for us in Vietnam. We try to change our attitudes on a daily basis, knowing that one day when we talk to her about her beautiful country, we don't want to communicate our hurt to her. She will have enough of her own. We are thankful that God gave us the heart for adoption, the gift of a beautiful daughter and the patience to wait.

Merry Christmas

Its been so long!

So long since we've had some good news, it is almost unbelievable when something goes our way... but today, Friday... something did!!!! Although our I171H expired in November, our amazing, (did i mention wonderful?) social worker made some calls and found out that we won't have to refile our paperwork! Not only will we not have to refile, but we won't have to pay the outrageous filing fee, updated home study and weeks, possible months of waiting before we could travel again... if only our agency would have known before we got so upset. Apparently since we were granted our immigration approval (more than 6 months ago) our paperwork won't expire even though it has an expiration date. I know, all too confusing. So just to be safe, we have asked to get some type of official document stating these things, because our luck... we'll be stuck in Vietnam and Dillen won't be allowed to come home.

It is starting to feel a little more real now. Maybe her day is coming. We emailed our in country contact to let him know that our paperwork was good to go, and we got an immediate response. He tells us that he has asked the Red Cross to do what they can to get her home as soon as possible because we have waited so long. We are so thankful, and today we are hopeful. Soon, we will be a family TOGETHER.

Birthday Blues

Today will be one of the happiest days on every other year but this one. Today is Dillen Marie's big day, her birthday. She doesn't know the pain that it causes us to not hold her, to not hear her voice or watch her taste a sweet treat. Our hearts hurt today.

We are thankful. We are thankful that Dillen's birth mother gave her a chance. We are thankful that we were chosen to provide a home for her when her birth family could not. There are many things to be thankful for.

Thank you for thinking of us today and keeping us in your prayers. Thank you for thinking of our little girl. We hope to make this a beautiful, memorable day, any other year.

Another week...

So again, another week with no news. The most unfortunate news is that because of our expired paperwork we couldn't travel to Vietnam to pick up Dillen right now if we did get a call. Even more unfortunate, we have a free extension available on our paperwork, if and only if we would have renewed it before it expired. We will be asking the Immigration Services for grace, but I sincerely doubt we'll get it... just not our luck. So it looks like we could be out $565.00 just to file the paperwork that we could have done for free if we would have had a competent agency. I would like to add that we had a wonderful friend taking care of us that worked for our agency, but it was best for her to move on. Although disappointed, we were certain that we would be travelling in a few months of her departure and things would be fine. We can't blame our agency totally for all of our circumstances, the country of Vietnam can take some blame along with the leaders in the province, but I would throw a majority their way. I will be happy to share with anyone the name of our agency and the problems that we have had privately. If you are interested in international adoption please check with us and make sure you are NOT using our agency. So as we continue to wait, and wait and wait... we did list some of our bows on Ebay, i think i confused some of you all that were interested in a purchase, so if you would rather find them on Ebay, our seller name is bmyers2306.

Expiring...

When you think about it, a lot more things expire than you realize. Aside from the obvious like Milk... things like medicines, coupons, gift cards all expire. In the adoption world things expire. Did you know we have already had to renew our fingerprints because those expire? Really? I guess my finger prints could change... I could burn my hand off, or chop it off. Do you have to get fingerprinted if you don't have any hands? What do they print and does it expire? Entry visas expire too. You can purchase a 1 month visa or 3 month visa to enter Vietnam. Thank goodness we didn't do that in July. One family's 3rd 3 month visa is about to expire! We don't know about everything that expires, but we found out yesterday that our approval to bring home an orphan expired. This is what we call a I171H. We just happened to be shuffling through our dusty adoption papers when I noticed the date on them...Expires 11/10/08. We probably should have gotten a phone call from our agency about a month ago, right? They should have given us a list of things that expire, don't they look at these papers daily?

So today we find out what is needed... I'm sure more money, more time... I guess we'll wait and see.

God's Mercy

Only a puny god could be bought with tithes. Only a egotistical god would be impressed with our pain. Only a temperamental god could be satisfied by sacrifices. Only a heartless god would sell salvation to the highest bidder. And only a great God does for his children what they can't do for themselves.

The first step to joy is a plea for help. Those who taste God's presence have declared spiritual bankruptcy and are aware of their spiritual crisis... Their pockets are empty. Their options are gone. They have long since stopped demanding justice; they are pleading for mercy.

~The Applause of Heaven

One week left. Seven days until THE day, Dillen's birthday. Never did we dream that we would be spending that day without her. Never did we imagine that two years after we started this adoption process, we would still be asking the Lord to bring our little girl home. We don't ask for condolences, or pity. We ask for your prayers as we beg for His mercy.

No forward progress

I don't know how long I can continue to creatively post that there is no news. Although our police investigation was "finished" nearly two months ago, it still hasn't been signed off on. From what we gather, the Ministry of Justice has not accepted our investigation, they keep asking for more information. What information you ask? We don't know. So with limited information from our agency, and no more families in the province we are left a bit in the dark. Hopefully we will hear something in the next few weeks, but having Dillen home for her birthday or Christmas is not probable. Keep us in your prayers, this is shaping into a very difficult month.

Believe me, when our time comes,

no devil in hell and no person on earth will be able to prevent

God from promoting and blessing us.

"And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not loosen and relax our courage and faint."

~Galatians 6:9

We couldn't go through this without the support of our family! Thank you for not only enduring this with us, but getting us through.

Dinner with Friends...

We were so glad to spend some time at home with the Blackwell family. It was good to finally see little Zane in person. We enjoyed a home cooked meal and plenty of stories and VIDEOS of our little girl! Thank you Blackwells!!!! On a side note- Chris was a little more popular than I was with Zane, however, I feel like if i had a hat on, it may have been my trump card!